No One Way To Be A Man
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Today we will be looking at a different kind of scene, one that is far more about the ideas being spoken into existence rather than the characters who are doing the speaking. It is a scene that lives in my head “rent free” and has massively impacted the way I view the world in the […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
One of the primary practices of The Detoxing Man is being able to name and express feelings as they happen. However, as many men struggle mightily in doing this, myself included, I have created a way to “practice” this behavior. I call it Feeling Finding, and it is actually an easy way for anyone to […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
So rarely have I seen a film that fully encapsulates the work of The Detoxing Man as I saw on Friday in watching The Last Black Man in San Francisco. The story is of Jimmy and Montgomery, two black men who are struggling to survive in the face of rapid gentrification and a world that […]
Written by Matt Morrisson
Author’s Note: A version of this was previously published as an episode of my podcast “Crazy Day”, which can be found here Some of my favorite questions to ask are the ones that seem easy to answer initially, but show their depth the more you try to work at the answer. A popular topic for […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
John Doe Nobody’s rapid fire video shows just how often we comment on a boy’s worth as it relates to their sexuality. From penis size to penchant for porn, a boy is told exactly what his sexuality should be and the best possible ways to express it so that everyone else sees he is normal. […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
I have made every attempt to claim a positive identity for the Detoxing man. I’ve claimed kindness and Trust and Empathy. But, the more that @WatchfulCoyote spoke about negative identities, the more I realized just how atypical it is for a man to draft a positive sense of self, rather than one that it is […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Now that we have worked to identify what it means to be The Detoxing Man and I have shared what this has looked like within my life, I want to widen our field of vision to start looking for examples of complex and positive masculinity within our wider world. So, naturally the next step is […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Purposeful (even if only in discovering his purpose) There is something that happens when I deeply listen. It could be my wife telling me about her being unhappy, a friend relaying a story from years past, or even a movie character giving a monologue. When I listen so deeply that I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
My father once told me that he loved his three boys equally, but he didn’t love us all the same. What I took him to mean by this is that he did not love any one of his sons more than any other, but that the way he showed his love was different for each […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Curious (of ideas and people) I haven’t been truly bored for multiple decades. Not because I am constantly being entertained by my phone or distracted by ever-present media. Rather, I do not find myself bored because there is so little for which I am not curious. From thinking about how I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Respectful (of expertise and of trauma) If I were to summarize the human experience in the broadest terms possible, it is the pursuit of expertise and the avoidance of trauma. We are constantly trying to live more, experience more love or joy, build deeper relationships or simply be happier. And as […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Sometimes it feels like we have two generations of children living in our household. The 14 and 16 year old are in one generation and the 9 year old is in another. The older ones got the novice parents, the ones who made rookie mistakes, like providing a 6th grader nearly unfettered access to a […]
