No One Way To Be A Man
Written by Ben Wilkoff
There is something universal about “pushing others away” when things get to hard, emotionally or otherwise. We often find it hard to fully embody our feelings without lashing out at others. We want others to reject us first so that we don’t have to look inward to find out what is really going on. We […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
John Doe Nobody’s rapid fire video shows just how often we comment on a boy’s worth as it relates to their sexuality. From penis size to penchant for porn, a boy is told exactly what his sexuality should be and the best possible ways to express it so that everyone else sees he is normal. […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
In this short video, Matty Boy defines their terms. They start by laying out Toxic Masculinity as one that forces violence, solitude, and rigid adherence to gender roles. Then they define “Soft Masculinity,” a term with which I was thoroughly unaware. They describe it as acceptance of other types of manhood, one that can be […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
I have made every attempt to claim a positive identity for the Detoxing man. I’ve claimed kindness and Trust and Empathy. But, the more that @WatchfulCoyote spoke about negative identities, the more I realized just how atypical it is for a man to draft a positive sense of self, rather than one that it is […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Hulk and Thor, the raging and smoldering fire of the MCU do not have too many opportunities to share their feelings as they tend to be used as the “final solution” to many of the problems facing the people of earth and realms beyond. And yet, one such heartfelt moment is worth paying attention to. […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Now that we have worked to identify what it means to be The Detoxing Man and I have shared what this has looked like within my life, I want to widen our field of vision to start looking for examples of complex and positive masculinity within our wider world. So, naturally the next step is […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Purposeful (even if only in discovering his purpose) There is something that happens when I deeply listen. It could be my wife telling me about her being unhappy, a friend relaying a story from years past, or even a movie character giving a monologue. When I listen so deeply that I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
My father once told me that he loved his three boys equally, but he didn’t love us all the same. What I took him to mean by this is that he did not love any one of his sons more than any other, but that the way he showed his love was different for each […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Curious (of ideas and people) I haven’t been truly bored for multiple decades. Not because I am constantly being entertained by my phone or distracted by ever-present media. Rather, I do not find myself bored because there is so little for which I am not curious. From thinking about how I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Respectful (of expertise and of trauma) If I were to summarize the human experience in the broadest terms possible, it is the pursuit of expertise and the avoidance of trauma. We are constantly trying to live more, experience more love or joy, build deeper relationships or simply be happier. And as […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Sometimes it feels like we have two generations of children living in our household. The 14 and 16 year old are in one generation and the 9 year old is in another. The older ones got the novice parents, the ones who made rookie mistakes, like providing a 6th grader nearly unfettered access to a […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
We have a south facing driveway. The significance of this will likely be lost on you, unless you live in Denver. If you live here, you will know that I almost never have to shovel. I never have to worry about snow sitting for days or weeks on end, hoping that it will get just […]
