No One Way To Be A Man
Written by Ben Wilkoff
In my visit to San Fransisco last month, I stayed with a friend that I have known for nearly 30 years. We grew up together in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio and he is one of only two people that I still regularly talk to from my home town. There is a reason for this. […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
I am a huge fan of the work that Laura Danger does on TikTok to help us all to eliminate toxic behavior in the form of Weaponized Incompetence, where (mostly) men use their insufficient skill at emotional labor, domestic labor, or any other perceived “women’s work” in order to justify their actions. I watch many […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
For our third song in this series, I have taken a recommendation from @sam.i_am to look into Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons. In it, the singer tries to give advice to a young boy who is struggling to hold on to courage, grace, and his own heart. The song shows just how hard […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Purposeful (even if only in discovering his purpose) There is something that happens when I deeply listen. It could be my wife telling me about her being unhappy, a friend relaying a story from years past, or even a movie character giving a monologue. When I listen so deeply that I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Curious (of ideas and people) I haven’t been truly bored for multiple decades. Not because I am constantly being entertained by my phone or distracted by ever-present media. Rather, I do not find myself bored because there is so little for which I am not curious. From thinking about how I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Sometimes it feels like we have two generations of children living in our household. The 14 and 16 year old are in one generation and the 9 year old is in another. The older ones got the novice parents, the ones who made rookie mistakes, like providing a 6th grader nearly unfettered access to a […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Responsible (for both intended and unintended consequences of his actions) I am responsible for the shuttle service required to get my children to and from their activities. My wife makes sure their lives are filled with these incredible experiences, but I am usually the one who makes sure that they actually […]
Written by Steven Coriell Jr.
Growing up in a deeply religious and conservative community in South Louisiana, I was taught that there were only two options when it came to sexuality – you were either gay or straight. And, as a member of a Baptist church, being gay was considered a sin. So, from a young age, I repressed this […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Desirous (with authenticity and integrity) I wanted to be a father. Three times over. I desired it so much that it became central to my identity. The expectation and the preparation were embedded into my labor, preparing rooms, taking classes. I wished for it with the whole of my intention, and […]
