No One Way To Be A Man
Written by Matt Morrisson
**Author’s Note: This blog was previously released in a modified form as Episode 28: “Subtle Shifts” of my podcast, Crazy Day I remember the day I discovered the hidden puppet master that was controlling my life. I remember the shock of seeing him for the first time. I remember the growth I felt as I […]
Written by Matt Morrisson
Author’s Note: A version of this was previously published as an episode of my podcast “Crazy Day”, which can be found here Some of my favorite questions to ask are the ones that seem easy to answer initially, but show their depth the more you try to work at the answer. A popular topic for […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
In this short video, Matty Boy defines their terms. They start by laying out Toxic Masculinity as one that forces violence, solitude, and rigid adherence to gender roles. Then they define “Soft Masculinity,” a term with which I was thoroughly unaware. They describe it as acceptance of other types of manhood, one that can be […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
I have made every attempt to claim a positive identity for the Detoxing man. I’ve claimed kindness and Trust and Empathy. But, the more that @WatchfulCoyote spoke about negative identities, the more I realized just how atypical it is for a man to draft a positive sense of self, rather than one that it is […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Purposeful (even if only in discovering his purpose) There is something that happens when I deeply listen. It could be my wife telling me about her being unhappy, a friend relaying a story from years past, or even a movie character giving a monologue. When I listen so deeply that I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
My father once told me that he loved his three boys equally, but he didn’t love us all the same. What I took him to mean by this is that he did not love any one of his sons more than any other, but that the way he showed his love was different for each […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Curious (of ideas and people) I haven’t been truly bored for multiple decades. Not because I am constantly being entertained by my phone or distracted by ever-present media. Rather, I do not find myself bored because there is so little for which I am not curious. From thinking about how I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Respectful (of expertise and of trauma) If I were to summarize the human experience in the broadest terms possible, it is the pursuit of expertise and the avoidance of trauma. We are constantly trying to live more, experience more love or joy, build deeper relationships or simply be happier. And as […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Sometimes it feels like we have two generations of children living in our household. The 14 and 16 year old are in one generation and the 9 year old is in another. The older ones got the novice parents, the ones who made rookie mistakes, like providing a 6th grader nearly unfettered access to a […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
We have a south facing driveway. The significance of this will likely be lost on you, unless you live in Denver. If you live here, you will know that I almost never have to shovel. I never have to worry about snow sitting for days or weeks on end, hoping that it will get just […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Caring (for others and himself). Self-care looks different for me than it does for my wife. For one, she is incredibly good at it. She has done the important work of looking within and finding things that will rejuvenate her. She goes to yoga or the gym most days of the […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Supportive (of identity and growth). I sat with my oldest son today, watching him learn how to give himself testosterone shots, how to measure it just right and stay safe with the sharp needles. I watched him excitedly inject saline solution into “the inch he could pinch” near his belly button, […]
