No One Way To Be A Man
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The vast majority of the comments that I get on my TikTok videos are incredibly positive, supportive and reflective of the wide diversity of kindness that the world has to offer. They are life affirming thoughts of shared humanity, and they make it incredibly easy to keep going and making more videos on my Masculinity […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The world of men’s sports is dominated by larger-than-life examples of men pretending a singular form of manhood, a bravado that is so exaggerated that nothing gets to him, a hyper-masculine form of strength whose entire purpose is to dominate others. I did not initially turn to this performance type for inspiration in looking for […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
When I started The Masculinity Detox, I sought out a diverse group of people who I respect for advice and thoughts on how best to support others in reducing toxic behavior. One such person was a long-time friend and a former colleague in Denver Public Schools. As a non-white married lesbian with a school-aged son, […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
It is once again time to find the Red and Green flags for The Detoxing Man. What I find so compelling about this format is that the opposite of a Red Flag which I see as a barrier to connection is nothing but a Green Flag which I see as an Avenue for men to […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
It should not fall solely on Women who date men to identify the red flags of the men in their lives. Just like the feminist critique of the #NotAllMen fallacy, we have an important responsibility to call out when men’s toxic behavior gets in the way of creating positive and lasting relationships. But, it isn’t […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Today we will be looking at a different kind of scene, one that is far more about the ideas being spoken into existence rather than the characters who are doing the speaking. It is a scene that lives in my head “rent free” and has massively impacted the way I view the world in the […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
One of the primary practices of The Detoxing Man is being able to name and express feelings as they happen. However, as many men struggle mightily in doing this, myself included, I have created a way to “practice” this behavior. I call it Feeling Finding, and it is actually an easy way for anyone to […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Today we are going to take a look at a different kind of movie. Rather than looking at a some hard-hitting masculine energy on film, I’d like to take a look at quiet moment within an animated film that my sons and I have seen at least a few dozen times. This scene comes from […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
For our fourth song in this series, I have chosen Problem Solver by Slim Dan. This is a very new song, having only been released earlier this month. I first heard it as a live TikTok video and I loved it so much that I went to his profile, found his email address and contacted […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
So rarely have I seen a film that fully encapsulates the work of The Detoxing Man as I saw on Friday in watching The Last Black Man in San Francisco. The story is of Jimmy and Montgomery, two black men who are struggling to survive in the face of rapid gentrification and a world that […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
For our third song in this series, I have taken a recommendation from @sam.i_am to look into Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons. In it, the singer tries to give advice to a young boy who is struggling to hold on to courage, grace, and his own heart. The song shows just how hard […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
For our second song in this series, I have chosen one of my all-time favorites, Twin Size Mattress by The Front Bottoms. In it, the protagonist stumbles his way toward being a good friend as he “contributes to the chaos” within his own life. The song shows how complex it is to find a positive […]
