No One Way To Be A Man
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Purposeful (even if only in discovering his purpose) There is something that happens when I deeply listen. It could be my wife telling me about her being unhappy, a friend relaying a story from years past, or even a movie character giving a monologue. When I listen so deeply that I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
My father once told me that he loved his three boys equally, but he didn’t love us all the same. What I took him to mean by this is that he did not love any one of his sons more than any other, but that the way he showed his love was different for each […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Curious (of ideas and people) I haven’t been truly bored for multiple decades. Not because I am constantly being entertained by my phone or distracted by ever-present media. Rather, I do not find myself bored because there is so little for which I am not curious. From thinking about how I […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Respectful (of expertise and of trauma) If I were to summarize the human experience in the broadest terms possible, it is the pursuit of expertise and the avoidance of trauma. We are constantly trying to live more, experience more love or joy, build deeper relationships or simply be happier. And as […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
Sometimes it feels like we have two generations of children living in our household. The 14 and 16 year old are in one generation and the 9 year old is in another. The older ones got the novice parents, the ones who made rookie mistakes, like providing a 6th grader nearly unfettered access to a […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
We have a south facing driveway. The significance of this will likely be lost on you, unless you live in Denver. If you live here, you will know that I almost never have to shovel. I never have to worry about snow sitting for days or weeks on end, hoping that it will get just […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Caring (for others and himself). Self-care looks different for me than it does for my wife. For one, she is incredibly good at it. She has done the important work of looking within and finding things that will rejuvenate her. She goes to yoga or the gym most days of the […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Supportive (of identity and growth). I sat with my oldest son today, watching him learn how to give himself testosterone shots, how to measure it just right and stay safe with the sharp needles. I watched him excitedly inject saline solution into “the inch he could pinch” near his belly button, […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Adaptable (of spirit and intention). I have often said that I’ve been married at least 5 times, and it is just lucky that they have all been to the same person. I am not the same man I was when I got married at 21 or the same man at 23 […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Resilient (in the face of failure and feeling) I once led a team of five Educational Technology coaches in a large urban school district of Colorado. This job was an incredible opportunity to work within schools with teachers to engage students using transformative technologies. I came to the district at a […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Collaborative (by default). I fully bought in to the idea that men are meant to be self-sufficient. I tried to solve my own problems, logically gathering all of the information, and coming up with the best possible outcome for everyone in the process. The “I alone can fix it” mentality is […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Responsible (for both intended and unintended consequences of his actions) I am responsible for the shuttle service required to get my children to and from their activities. My wife makes sure their lives are filled with these incredible experiences, but I am usually the one who makes sure that they actually […]
