As we strive to be better men in our everyday lives, it is important to know what “better” means. And, in an attempt at an initial definition for what it means to commit to Detoxing your Masculinity, we are staking our claim to a particular identity. This identity is expansive and fully embraces our motto of, “No One Way To Be a Man.” And yet, pursuing a thoroughly modern masculinity as a compelling alternative to traditional patriarchy should not be an ambiguous exercise.
Our identity as men is one that we may not always be comfortable with, especially if others are defining it for us. These statements of being are a positive affirmations of identity, ones that we claim for ourselves. While we may not always demonstrate them, they are the standard by which we hold ourselves and they represent the daily work that we are doing to be “better.”
Beyond simple definition, though, we recognize that we we will never be fully “Detoxed.” We are In-Progress. We are Striving. We are Pursuing and Building and Questing toward authenticity and away from toxicity. These are the adjectives of those who choose to make progress, the men who are not satisfied with the masculinity they have been given. If Detoxing is a process, these are the men who have fully embraced it.
The Detoxing Man Is:
- Kind (of heart and mind)
- Attuned (to the needs of others and the needs of the moment)
- Sincere (in word and deed)
- Present (in both actions and feelings)
- Connected (by shared experience, passion, and expression)
- Trusted (to root out injustice wherever it is found)
- Active (in body and mind)
- Empathetic (beyond those who look and think like him)
- Desirous (with authenticity and integrity)
- Willing (to wonder, to change, and to be wrong)
- Open (to difference)
- Capable (of love, of complexity, of listening)
- Unfinished (with himself and with his relationships)
- Patient (with time and attention)
- Introspective (often, and without provocation)
- Loving (in the open and in private)
- Conscious (of bias within himself)
- Engaged (by courageous acts of self-discovery)
- Responsible (for both intended and unintended consequences of his actions)
- Collaborative (by default)
- Resilient (in the face of failure and feeling)
- Adaptable (of spirit and intention)
- Supportive (of identity and growth)
- Caring (for others and himself)
- Communicative (of purpose and emotion)
- Grateful (of both effort and success)
- Respectful (of expertise and of trauma)
- Curious (of ideas and people)
- Purposeful (even if only in discovering his purpose)
- Equitable (in opportunity and outcome)