No One Way To Be A Man
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Caring (for others and himself). Self-care looks different for me than it does for my wife. For one, she is incredibly good at it. She has done the important work of looking within and finding things that will rejuvenate her. She goes to yoga or the gym most days of the […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Supportive (of identity and growth). I sat with my oldest son today, watching him learn how to give himself testosterone shots, how to measure it just right and stay safe with the sharp needles. I watched him excitedly inject saline solution into “the inch he could pinch” near his belly button, […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Adaptable (of spirit and intention). I have often said that I’ve been married at least 5 times, and it is just lucky that they have all been to the same person. I am not the same man I was when I got married at 21 or the same man at 23 […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Resilient (in the face of failure and feeling) I once led a team of five Educational Technology coaches in a large urban school district of Colorado. This job was an incredible opportunity to work within schools with teachers to engage students using transformative technologies. I came to the district at a […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Collaborative (by default). I fully bought in to the idea that men are meant to be self-sufficient. I tried to solve my own problems, logically gathering all of the information, and coming up with the best possible outcome for everyone in the process. The “I alone can fix it” mentality is […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Responsible (for both intended and unintended consequences of his actions) I am responsible for the shuttle service required to get my children to and from their activities. My wife makes sure their lives are filled with these incredible experiences, but I am usually the one who makes sure that they actually […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Engaged (by courageous acts of self-discovery) I met my wife in the cafeteria of a newly constructed dorm on the University of Denver campus in the late summer of 2002. I overheard her and her friends asking about vegetarian options, and I made a mental note about it as I paid […]
Written by Steven Coriell Jr.
Growing up in a deeply religious and conservative community in South Louisiana, I was taught that there were only two options when it came to sexuality – you were either gay or straight. And, as a member of a Baptist church, being gay was considered a sin. So, from a young age, I repressed this […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Conscious (of bias within himself) I remember the exact moment when I became aware of race. I was probably 3 or 4 years old, standing in the checkout line with my mother at a discount grocery store. The clerk was a dark-skinned black woman. And as I watched her scan the […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Loving (in the open and in private) I have always struggled to be one person within our home and another person outside of it. It feels wrong to put on a brave face for the world when I’m in conflict with the most important people in my life. It chafes at […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Introspective (often, and without provocation) Who is the you that thinks your thoughts? The one that listens and processes information. Who is the you that acts and reacts to the world around you? The you that makes meaning and forms relationships. I often imagine that me as a little man inside […]
Written by Ben Wilkoff
The Detoxing Man is Patient (with time and attention) I may be one of the only people alive who doesn’t mind waiting in line. There is something so comforting about queueing up, knowing that I will proceed to the front to will have my need fulfilled in some kind of orderly fashion. This does not […]
